stream of consciousness.1

An individual life is a jigsaw puzzle. We start with the corners and define the edges, then begin working our way inward until we have a familiar, completed scene.

As we grow we begin to cultivate passions, we develop tastes, we embrace our individuality. These characteristics are our corners and borders. When we use these traits to create, we begin to flesh out the innards of our puzzle and our completed scene is left as a piece for others to use as inspiration and example.

My puzzle pieces aren’t fitting.

I’ve lived in the same city for 15 years (shouts out to the 314, the only home I’ve ever known, all love.) I’ve grown immensely here. I’ve experienced the utmost joy and sorrow here. My family is here. I have a steady career here. My friends are just a few hours driving distance from me. I live comfortably here…

I am empty.


“The sea always seems to put me at e
ase.”
image1

I visited California recently, the Golden State, Pacific Ocean. As soon as the water washed over my feet, I knew I was home. As soon as the crashing wave pierced my ears, I knew I was truly home.

I saw mountains and immediately said “I can climb that.” I saw the hills, the trees, EVERYTHING. Nowhere is perfect, but it was so, so close.

All of my puzzle pieces started fitting, one at a time, everything fell into place.

“You wonder if you’ll ever find your dreams?”

This is an honest stream of consciousness. I’ve found it’s the best way to say everything I want and need to say in order to keep from bottling it up. That’s why there are odd breaks in my writing. That’s why it isn’t all grammatically accurate, (I didn’t forget all my writing lessons from college.)

If I’m not honest with myself first how can I be honest with anyone else? I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling negatively for thinking I don’t belong here.

The latter quote is almost a mantra for me. It means to live what you love.

Everyone should find their dreams.

Sincerely,

Troy

p.s. you’re beautiful

p.s.s. here’s all of the songs I used quotes from.

Being As An Ocean – The Sea Always Seems to Put Me at Ease

Kanye West – I Wonder

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